Friday, July 06, 2007

Mourning Joy

It's a new day. It's a Friday. It's July 6, 2007.

Throughout the world, people are living and dying; laughing and crying; choking and breathing; throwing up last night's dinner, scarfing down this morning's breakfast, and here I sit, in a plastic webbed lawn chair, the one I picked out of a neighbor's trash on a walk with Izzy, sipping black coffee, inhaling the scent of potted geraniums, their petals sparkling in a red hot sun, pushing a fast-writing pen, 20 miles north from where the World Trade Center use to be.

Ahhhh, mourning joy!

It is 3 years, 2 months, 6 days, since Edward Louis Sclier died.

In that time, I have searched for all the things a widow searches for--For love, for religion, for community, for identity--I wished, I hoped, I prayed for answers to questions that have no answers;

Please God, send me a best friend, send a special someone to love me back, again, in bad times, and good times. Help me make it through the night.

I felt so alone.

Ed is dead. I wish with all my heart I could have him back. But I have learned one thing: Life does go on after the death of a spouse.

Though Ed's death marked the end of one life, I have discovered it raised a new one--Mine--a new beginning.

I didn't realize it then, but I do now, my best friend was, me. I had only to let her happen.

Perhaps that is Ed's greatest legacy.

Have a joy-filled day, Widows, wherever you are. And remember, we're not alone,


1 comment:

  1. Excellent Post! I LOVED the part about you being your own best friend and that being Ed's greatest legacy.

    You go girl...what a special site you have for widows.



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