Thursday, February 28, 2008

What is YOUR Favorite Memory?


As Barbra Streishand sings, "Memories light the corners of my mind..."


Often a widow will write me saying me how much she misses her husband.


Recently I answered a widow's email and asked if she wouldn't mind sharing just one happy memory about her husband.


I asked three questions.


This is what this loving widow wrote back to me:


I'm certain you have many happy memories of your late husband, can you share a favorite? Do you have one?


Just one? That is tough. I have many many many of them. Really tough.

This one may sum up a lot of what we had. We used to live in Boston and my favorite memory there was on the fourth of July when we both had to work and we got off at 7:30 pm. Well, Jim told me to meet him at a certain street corner and when I got there he was there with a horse, carriage and driver that he had rented. We sat in the back of the carriage and were driven around and got to see the fireworks of Boston from the carriage. It was incredibly romantic. He knew I would enjoy it. We got to laugh, cuddle and go Ohhh and Ahhhh to the sparkles in the night. And it was just the kind of thing that Jim would do.

Some of the happiest - most contented times were when it was just the two of us and we were in the truck driving somewhere. We would have the radio on and be in tune with each other. We would be discussing our future, talking about the past and wondering what was to come next and how to deal with it.


I loved taking long road trips. We would drive a couple hours, see something/go somewhere and then have something to eat and drive back home. All this giving us time to be with each other. One weekend we went to Gettysburg. Not to see the historical sights, but rather to hang out at a hotel - just get away from home - and shop at the outlet stores and go to a movie and just be with each other. Usually on sundays we made the day trips. Once it was up to Harrisburg to visit my mothers grave and then hop over to visit my grandparents graves. It wasn't so much the grave visiting as it was the drive.

We were always perfectly happy with just the two of us. It makes there being only one so much harder.

If you could put into one word, one sentence, how would you describe your relationship to your husband?


Connected.

Everyone probably says 'soulmate' and such. Well Jim and I were friends, lovers, soulmates and we were each others protectors - guarding our backs from the outside world and also helping each other get thru some tough times of day to day life. We have no children so we had time for each other. We were connected to each other.


What have you learned about yourself, life, your friends, your family since the death of your husband?


Life sucks without the person you loved at your side. That is my lonliness speaking. My friends and my family have helped me in many ways that I didn't think they would. Coming forward to help me and offer me assistance. There are people I had never expected that have given me support and others that I thought would be close that aren't.

Jim's family has just basically dropped off the earth. No calls for the last 6 months from any of them. I didn't expect that. They were always close to us.

I have also found that there are many things that Jim did, that I learned how to do via osmosis or something like that. How to fix things I guess I mean.




I believe Jim is with you still, Betsy, and he will continue to be.


Thank you for writing. Thank you for your beautiful words.


If you have a favorite memory you care to share, please send it to me. I will post it here for all the world to see and honor His memory especially for you.


Wishing everyone out there in cyberspace mourning joy....and remember, we're not alone.


:)L

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