Monday, March 23, 2009
Griefcase Gets Letters - Here's one From Vicky of Madrid, Spain
"Let's dare to be ourselves, for we do that better than anyone else can." --Shirley Briggs
The following is a copy of a letter I received recently from a widow in Madrid, Spain. Her name is Vicky.
Vicky first wrote to me when she was newly widowed. That was more than one and 1/2 years ago. Vicky's journey is one of courage, strength, determination and hope and I am honored and proud to know her.
I share Vicky's words with Griefcase readers today in the hope that every woman out there going through the grief process will find inspiration and motivation to keep on keeping on, even under the worst of circumstances and to always remember, we're not alone.
I am proud and honored to share Vicky's words with you. Here they are:
(And a special note to Vicky: Thank you for your courage, your kindness, and your friendship. You're doing it! I am so proud of you.)
I've been thinking about writing for some time now but never know quite how to begin, or what to say. I'm totally new to this...
I first spoke to Linda about 18 months ago, I came across her articles by chance and contacted her out of utter desperation. Her words were soothing, she told me that it was going to be hard, but that everything would be ok. It was exactly what I needed to hear...
My close family and friends would also tell me everything was going to be ok, that time heals, that I'm young, that I have a long life ahead of me, but coming from them who hadn't gone through the same thing didn't really comfort me. I always knew the theory about how time heals, but felt scared and negative, theory at times like that doesn't help.
I thank Linda for caring, for sharing her experience, and for bringing widows together...
She's inspiring and obviously a very good person for wanting to help others in similar situations. I for one admit that I mightn't make such an effort to
reach out and help others, although one would always like to, days seem to creep by and nothing gets done, so thank you Linda for taking the time in helping others.
I'm spanish, from Madrid. I lost my husband in Sept 2006. We were driving back to Madrid from our holiday home at the coast, my husband was driving and also in the car was my 3 and a half yr old son and myself. The tire burst and we went off the road, my husband died within half an hour (whilst still in the car). My son survived and so did I (although I severely damaged my legs). Thank goodness my son turned out ok, he injured his head but has fully recovered. My husband and I had been together since we were 14. He was always my best friend, I couldn't imagine life without him, he was 31 when he passed away.
I had to face the loss as well as my recovery, it was all very hard to handle. I couldn't walk for a long time, I felt so trapped in misery, if only I had found this site then. I had to live with my husband's parents as I couldn't move and needed constant care and of course, couldn't look after my son either. I've had 8 operations over the last 2 years. Now I have come a long way, I walk with a cane as my right knee is not good, but have accepted my situation and am determined not to let my injuries get in the way of my life.
The only thing in life that has no remedy is death, I feel lucky to have survived and even luckier for having my son, who is the living image of his father.
The grief process as you all know is difficult and has many stages, just when you think you're feeling better it comes back at you like a ton of bricks. This is going to sound strange but it took me a long time to forgive my husband for dying, for leaving us. He was supposed to look after us always. A deep part of me felt it was thoughtless of him for leaving us, why didn't he fight like I did? I was even jealous of the fact that he had gone and I was left to fight against life, against my injuries... I was the one left to explain to our son that he wouldn't be coming back, I had to do everything on my own and felt I couldn't cope. All this sounds ridiculous now, but its how I felt, I couldn't stop asking him why. I was living in his parents' house and suffered their mourning too, it was so unfair! Life was so unfair!
Woops, just realized I've written a novel, sorry, told you I wasn't used to this, lucky I didn't know what to write! Got a bit carried away.
Just so you know, I feel a lot better now. I know I will always miss my husband, he was the man of my life. I'm so glad I met him, so glad I married him, so grateful that I've experienced love so deep, so much happiness. I feel blessed.
Thanks for listening.