Wednesday, February 22, 2017

For Widows Only: What Grief Is; What Grief Isn't

Me and E
...And sometime when I wasn't looking, I got a new life.
--Linda Della Donna

Grief is unbearable pain. It lingers long after standing over a hole in the earth with your dead husband in it. It results in friends not calling anymore, because they don't know what to say; you  not feeling up to going out, because when you do get out the house, you just want to run back home, jump into bed, and pull the covers over your head; you not being able to control your tears, because every thought cramming your brain are thoughts of Him.

Grief is not punishment for a past moment in your life. So stop that. You did nothing wrong to deserve the death of your loved one.

Grief is a journey. Long. Dark. Unknown. Think tunnel. Can't go around it, and can't go over it. You just got to go through it.

Grief is not a straight line. Sometimes years go by without feeling pain, and then when you least expect it, it rears its morbid head and bites you hard in your heart reminding you that mourning the loss of your significant other, husband, soul mate, mentor, lover, best friend, and hero, never gets easy, it just gets less hard.

Grief is a thumb print. No two alike.

Grief is not one size fits all. There is no grief map, grief prescription, grief guide, grief watch, grief calendar, or grief clock to help make your journey pleasant. Each widow must figure out for herself just how long it will take for her to feel life is worth living again without Him by her side. But you, dear widow, have permission to take as much time as you need.

Grief is overwhelming to the strongest and mightiest of individuals, and until a widow has perfected her coping mechanism, the one that teaches life is rich and rewarding even without her best friend by her side, she will struggle with her pain.

I know it is not easy losing a beloved spouse, but this much I promise, dear widow, as time inches forward, you will make it through your grief process. You will stop looking at your wristwatch, clock, and calendar, and measuring your life in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years, because you will have learned it wastes energy, energy best spent on living life to its fullest. I know, because I am a widow, too, and if I can make it through the grief process, so can you.

Eventually, we all evolve into the best we can be.

Author Linda Della Donna supports individuals going through the grief process with tips and shared resources. Feel free to write her to request a copy of her FREE E-Book, Treasury of Quotations, or to ask your grief question. At present Della Donna is studying and writing again with a goal of having her own on-line grief advice column.

For more articles on grief by Linda Della Donna, be sure to check out