Saturday, February 04, 2017

Widows Dating, Hello Linda, What Do I Do?

"It's good to hear somebody tell you they love you.
But it's amazing to know they actually mean it." --Quote Addicts

Hello Linda,

A man I have been seeing for more than six years blurted out to me that he met this "Amazing" woman and began to describe just how amazing this woman really is. It is his dogwalker. And he told me this while we were lying naked in my bed and making love. What struck me was it is how he described me when we first met. In all the years we have been seeing each other he never said he loves me and that bothers me. I said nothing, I got quiet because I was hurt but he saw a look of shock on my face and he got very defensive saying he didn't do anything for a year and half with this woman, that's how long he knows her and that's how long she's been sleeping in his home and caring for his dog and he swears he wasn't sleeping with her. Then he accused me of reading something into what he said that isn't there. Linda, Do you think they are having an affair? Do you think he has fallen for her? What do I do?

I am ashamed and embarrassed to think I am such a fool. I know better, but since losing my husband I sometimes get confused am not the same person I thought I was. Please don't use my real name.


Hello CM,

First my sincerest condolences on the loss of your beloved husband. Burying a beloved spouse can leave an indelible mark on the landscape of a mind and may create havoc with a widow's good judgment. It's time to take a giant step back and take a deep breath.

As for the man you write about, I suggest you move on. And fast! Six years of seeing a man and never hearing words, I love you, is way too long to put up with talk about another woman while lying naked in her bed. It is extremely inconsiderate to say the least, if the situation is as you describe. Sounds like this man has little regard for you and your feelings. As Ann Landers used to write in her advice column, "It's time to wake up and smell the coffee."

As for you, let me be the first to assure you that you are an amazing woman! You have the patience of Job.

Take care of yourself. Be kind. Get out. Meet a new someone. Make a new friend. You are a remarkable amazing woman. Write to me again in six months and let me know how you're doing.